PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT
GOALS: To Describe. . . . .
Define Personality
Definition of Personality
Enduring Global Patterns of...
Perceiving
Thinking
Feeling
Acting
Relating
To Self & Environment
Personality Is
Developed In Childhood
Unconsciously Repeated In Adulthood
Genetic Temperament – Environmental
Conditioning – Experiential Learning
Personality Traits Are
Pervasive
Persistent
Resistant To Change
Personality Traits
Become Disordered When They Are
Inflexible
The Family In Crisis
Part 1
Outline
Crisis in the family consists of the following:
Loss of self-worth and sense of one’s own identity. Wrong self-perception leads to wrong
choosing. What one believes about oneself is the basis upon which one makes choices.
B. Wrong choices can result in compulsive seeking of happiness outside ourselves through:
Substances (alcohol, drugs, food)
Activities (sleep, sex, work, entertainment)
People or groups (addiction to children, parents, destructive relationships)
Emotions (inappropriate expression of excitement, anger, sadness, fear)
C. Addictions result from mismanagement of emotions. “Dis-eases” of life-style are rooted
in families.
One disturbed person in the family affects all the others. The family is the interdependence
of its parts, not the sum.
Autocratic parental style stifles individual development. The enforcement of the attitude
that “children should be seen and not heard” in German families of the early 1900’s made
Hitler’s Nazism possible. Continuation of that attitude could yield a similar despotic
movement in the future for as the family goes so goes society. Family problems are the root of all social problems.
The Healthy Family
Part 2
Online
In a healthy, functional family, the system serves as a nurturing support network for its
individual members who then have the power to get their needs met. This is the nature of
functionality. A dysfunctional family exists solely to control individual needs.
The powers available to each family member are: to perceive, to know, to emote or feel,
to will or desire, to choose, to love, to imagine, to intuit, to create, and to be able to
express all of these powers.
The expression of individual powers gets one’s basic needs met. If these needs aren’t
met, one becomes “dis-eases,” when they are met one becomes eased and happy. These
needs are: Self-worth, security, physical affection and belonging (strokes), structure,
stimulation, fun, challenge, self-actualization, and spiritualization.
The chief component of the family unit is the marital dyad. Couples who use their powers
to meet their individual needs signify a healthy, mature marriage. Maturity involves
moving from dependency (on others) to independency (self-support). Independent
partners do not need each other for self-completion. They marry out of freedom rather than
necessity.
A healthy couple, each of whom is independent of the other, can create a family
environment that provides a healthy climate for the children to use their powers to meet
their own needs.
Functional families operate with the following results:
Problems are acknowledged and solved.
All feelings, desires, perceptions, and thoughts can be expressed.
Communication is direct, congruent, and sensory-based.
Family members can get their needs met.
Family members can be different.
Anxiety level is low.
Parents do what they say.
Family roles are chosen and flexible.
Atmosphere is fun and open.
CHECKLIST OF COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS*
All-or-nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.
Over generalization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives.
Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count.
Jumping to conclusions:
(A) Mind-reading—you assume that people are reacting negatively to you when there’s no definite evidence.
(B) Fortune-telling—you arbitrarily predict that things will turn out badly.
Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.
Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I really must be one.”
“Should statements”: You criticize yourself (or other people) with “shoulds,” “oughts,” “musts,” and “have tos.”
Labeling: Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, “I’m a jerk,” or “a fool,” or “a loser.”
Personalization and blame: You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and deny your role in the problem.
SELF-DEFEATING BELIEFS*
Emotional Perfectionism: “I should always feel happy confident, and in control of my emotions.”
Emotophobia: “I should never feel angry, anxious, inadequate, jealous or vulnerable.”
Low Frustration Tolerance: “I should never be frustrated. Life should be easy.”
Entitlement: “People should be the way I expect them to be.”
Performance Perfectionism: “I must never fail or make a mistake.”
Perceived Perfectionism: “People will not love and accept me as a flawed and vulnerable human being.”
Fear of Failure: “My worthwhileness depends on my achievements (or my intelligence, or status, or attractiveness).”
Fear of Disapproval, Criticism, or Rejection: “I need everybody’s approval to be worthwhile. If I’m not loved, then life is not worth living.”
Fear of Being Alone: “If I’m alone, then I’m bound to feel miserable and unfulfilled.”
Conflict Phobia: “People who love each other shouldn’t fight.”
PROFILE
ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS
Double Messages: Mixed Messages That Children Get Growing Up In an Alcoholic Home.
Love/Rejection – “ I love you but don’t bother me.” In adult life these children are attracted to relationships where they are rejected because they equate love with rejection.
You Can Count On Me/Disappointment – “I’ll be there for you . . . . next time.” The alcoholic parent wants credit for their good intentions but don’t want their disappointing behavior to count. The adult child learns not to want or expect things. They deny their needs because they don’t want to be disappointed when they aren’t met. They don’t depend on others.
Always Tell The Truth/I Don’t Want to Know – The child is told to always tell the truth, as long as it is something the parents want to hear. Truth becomes an ideal, lying the reality. In adult life, the child lies automatically (without guilt) even when telling the truth would be easier or avoids the truth!
Everything Is Fine/Sense of Hopelessness – The child is told verbally that everything is fine or will be all right, but the family atmosphere is one of hopelessness, depression, anxiety. Everything is not all right. The adult child suffers from distortions in his/her perceptions of reality, feels powerless over his/her life, is often depressed and distrusts his/her own judgments.
Blame Alcoholism/Excuse the Behavior – The alcoholic parent does some negative and/or irresponsible behavior (like embarrassing the child in front of the child’s friends by drunken behavior); and the child is told by others not to get mad at the parent – “it wasn’t his/her fault, he/she was just drunk.” The child learns: “If I am drunk, I can do whatever I want.”